Adjusting

Muiz already 1year 6month old and I already became a housewife for 1year 3month. At the early stage it was not an easy decision to be stay-at-home-mom because I have been working for 8 years. 
Before this my mother in law took care of the 2 kids while I'm going to work. But when I'm expected for 3rd baby, me and husband started to think on how we are going to do next. Tak kan nak bagi his mom take care tiga orang budak yang tengah active rasa macam nak meletup if they throw their tantrum. 
Mula-mula macam nak amik maid, tapi bukan senang nak dapat a really good maid it just like one in a million kot. If we send them to the nursery it will cost us around rm1k plus. So the best is I'm quit.
Children aged between 4 years and below 1year,, faham-faham la, they just start to potty, makan sepah, cannot let them bathing by themselve, and boleh dikatakan they still rely on us in many things. 
We also need to think about the remaining debt like cars, credit card, my life insurance because my husband will need to take the responsibility of the monthly payment if I am quit. In 9 month carrying Muiz, Alhamdulillah the boss give the green light for me to quit. So I with honored will become and ex design engineer, dari mengadap 3D design to a housewife. 
So the routine change 360degree, I do need a lot of patience in taking care of the kids. Ya Allah, jadi tarzan aku kat dalam rumah ni. Ok aku memang jenis tak suka rumah sepah, tak suka lantai sticky. Nak kata pembersih sangat tu takde la, but if those thing happened in front of me aku mula meroyan.
Dah macam nak period hari-hari bila budak-budak ni buat perangai. But the best part is they really teach you to muhasabah diri everyday. I am kind of marah dulu nyesal kemudian..ahhaa so after scolded them for their misbehave then I will asked their forgiveness back. But you know budak-budak ni memang baik hati, they never like merajuk back or buat muka if we asked for their forgiveness. Sometimes I feel like..melting and I always crying after that and they will said please don't cry. Then they will cry together.. haha 
Sebenarnya, budak-budak ni semuanya baik-baik, they just love to play and they keep on learning in controling themself for not pouring the drinking water or the food. What I see from my kids when I told them not to tumpahkan air etc, but if it do happened they will tell me and tell the reason why those food tertumpah. 
Until now, I am still adjusting myself not be that particular, clean freak, just be a good mother but in the meantime still teaching them the housework. They can help if we asked them to help. It doesn't mean, ala budak-budak biarlah nanti kita kemaskan. Please don't do that. Teach them to tidying their toys after they play. That will build their responsibility towards their things. 
Sometime I just need my own sweet time, 24/7 with the kids is not good for a modern mom mentality..hahha